I'll be honest, I've had a tough year. Everything hasn't been peachy for me but I've always tried to put on a brave face and muster through it. I've been going through my own personal issues which up until now I have kept to myself. I know you've seen excuse after excuse on this blog of why I wasn't writing and after a while I figured I should just delete this blog (and I did but then reopened it) because it felt like I was making little to no progress here.
The truth is I've been battling depression and anxiety and while I _love_ to write my stories, depression has a crazy way of taking the enjoyment out of everything weather you love it or not. Hell even reading has been slow for me this year. I'm currently at 22 books read, the last time I read that few in a year was over 4 years ago.
I remember I was so excited right before NaNo. I was counting down the days and checking my timer on this blog to see how many days, minutes, and seconds I had left. And then day 1 came and the excitement was gone. Instead of wanting to write I wanted to cry so I did nothing.
For the past 9 days I've been watching the NaNoWriMo forums and looking over my 2013 NaNo progress calendar and taking care of my responsibilities and doing other things that wouldn't stress me out and wishing that that motivation was there again.
I'll say this, I'm not deleting this blog again. The last time I did it felt like I was giving up on myself and I refuse to do that. I'm going to try to write weather I feel motivated or not. I don't want to give in to this depression, I want to push through it.
So tomorrow come rain or shine I'm going to start my quest to finish 250K words during NaNo (12,500 words daily).
Elle
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